8.18.2010

The Truth Hurts And Makes Sense

I Am Not Your Whipping Post Jedi/Rememberthediamonds

I have no desire to have any further dealings with Jedimasterbooboo as she's proven to me she's not honest nor trustworthy. Here is a message I sent to her asking her why she was 'converting' people to not mirror my video. It hurt me that she would purposely try to make this a crusade.

Message sent to Jedi: Aug 15th
I'm really hurt that you're trying to get people to take down my video. You're the last person who I thought would ever do that to me especially after all the care and attention I gave to you when you were hurting. Now I'm hurting.

The best thing to do right now so I don't end up walking away forever, is to just give me time.

I feel like you're gaslighting me and it's not nice and I feel completely alienated by my friends. I don't feel understood by you and that's my greatest pain in life. Not being understood.

I did not doc drop her. Anyone who wants to find her is going to find her through their own methods of simply typing in her username on google. In other words, they don't need me to do it.

I can't believe you think a CITY is doc dropping. A city she readily gives out everywhere.

I like licking my wounds in private when I am this hurt. That's one thing about me that not many people know.

I have a backbone. I AM principled. I AM a good person. However, that's not being seen I think and instead everyone's looking at me like I'm the crazy person here. Well, I'm not.

I'm hurt, I don't know who to go to anymore since everyone seems to be IN on i
t.


Then I received this message from Jedi after I came home from work.

Stop bullying me. Don't do this to me.
I have done nothing to engage you in your behaviors, and only supported you.

In fact for now I want you to stay away from me. You have demonstrated some character here that scares me I don't trust you.

If you would like me to remove the comments I just left you, I will.

That hurt me very very much that my good friend, who I've stuck up for, taken a strike on my account for for trying to appeal to shangi and friends to take down the videos that were making Theresa feel suicidal would call me a bully.

So I responded back:

what? You think I bullied you? Where is this coming from? I'm not trying to bully you at all. See, this is exactly what they want. To pit us all against each other. Don't fall for it. We disagree on things. I was hurt. I'm not bullying you.

D
Then I received this message from Jedi:

Your message makes me happy, I left you two comments that I should remove.

Listen, they want that but you are the one that is worrying me.

I hope you understand.


I responded back to Jedi:

My message is one of hurt. not lashing out at you. I'm just hurt. I just watched a video on bullying, well a few of them, and I cried my eyes out.

I.cried.my.eyes.out.
For the last few days I've been trying to understand how a grown woman like Divinity and all her pals can bully. I've been bullied before and I was feeling the same feelings. NOT from Jedi, but from Divinity and her friends. It was also at this time that Jedi left a couple public comments on her video about doc dropping that were directed at me and were not nice. She offered to take them down. I didn't respond but she took them down anyway.

I sent another message to Jedi, trying to explain myself and why her comment telling me I was bullying her hurt me and that I understood. Here is the final message I sent to her:

Jedi,

Listen, I know you've been through hell and back and then some. What I'm actually saying is that I also feel this hell right now and it's no good to stratify each other over it because that's exactly what they want, I will gladly back off if this is going to cause this much friction because the LAST thing I want is to lose my friends. I disagree with your assessment. It's not the end of our friendship because I do.

I am being, just like you, comment stalked, continually harassed by these people. I am still not being left alone. So I understand the why. I understand why you're passionate about what you think is doc dropping. However, that passion is not something we should throw our entire friendship away on.

I'm a feminist and my opinions on here have gotten me attacked for YEARS. I just don't see why my friends would want me to be hurt. I don't want my friends to be hurt and that should be very very apparent, that I'd do anything for my friends. Would you rather I lie and say I'm not hurt? Why would I need to lie to my friends? Why can't I be open and say that I see this manipulation for what it is. Is that such a bad thing to see this?

I think people need to just step back from this or else it's just going to get worse. To me it's over. The truth is out there and that's that. I'm just putting it to fall where it may.

Why am I worrying you? Because I'm hurt? A hurt person worries you? I hardly ever let my weakness show and I'm telling you how hurt I am about these people and their nonstop gaslighting of me, bullying of me and pushing me constantly. Is it hard to understand what I feel? All I ask is for you to put yourself in that feeling of being hurt and then you'll know how I feel.

K, I'm gonna go now because I don't wanna be hurt any more. I expect THEM to hurt me, not my friends. I'm shocked that you would think that. I truly am.

I don't want you to email me if it's gonna be hurtful because it's something that I can't handle right now. This emotional roller coaster is not helping me and I want off. I just want off. This is so apparent what is going on here. I can't believe I'm the only one who sees this.

So what do I have to say in order not to be hurt by my friends? What is the magic word? Crying. Crying crying.

Please, don't hurt me any more. I don't deserve it.

I don't want any more hurtful stuff coming my way. I have enough of that to deal with constantly whether its my feminism or my appearance or whatever.

And I got this message from Jedi in return:

You accusing me of hurting you is serious, and I consider it bullying, because it has no basis in reality. It's got to be a tactic, because I have done nothing but support you, and you ignore all of that and come after me again and again.

You need to stop hurting me, or Quote ME where I hurt you.

Thanks.

Take care.
So if you're hurt by your friend it's now bullying? If you're honest and remain completely tactful and sincere you are a bully? This hurt me even more. I knew that no matter what I said or how I said it, she was just going to keep sending me this hurtful stuff.

It's all circular. The part that hurt me where she asks for evidence is the part where she accused me of bullying her. But as I said, I was too exhausted and I didn't want any more of these kinds of nasty messages coming at me from her so I blocked her figuring she'd cool down. I was in tears and I just could NOT bear another message so hurtful as to say I was bullying her. I felt that was so strong an accusation, especially considering what was really happening here.

Three days later I got a message from a friend who directed me to Shangi's videos he uploaded through Lord Vion's channel. I watched them and found out that Jedi had posted someone's ip address. I left a comment on that video saying that an ip is like giving out a home address and nothing like knowing simply a city in which someone lived. I was shocked that Jedi took that kind of stance with me and yet put out an ip. That REALLY bothered me. It seemed hypocritical to say I was a bully over telling her I was hurt that she seemed to be co-ordinating others to drop their mirror support for me.

So there it is. She threatened me in her latest video to drop personal messages and actually DARED me to give her some reason to do it. Well, now I posted them.

People can judge for themselves whether they think I was bullying my friend or whether she blew it out of proportion because of her OWN experience with doc dropping and harassment. I must also say that I'm not going to play harassment olympics with her but I will say that I DO know what this is like and like she explained in her video, she thinks she had a right to post an ip to get someone to leave her alone.

Well I didn't drop a city name intentionally first of all, and second of all if Divinity really felt threatened by that she would've flagged my video immediately. Instead she continued to play people and make baseless accusations to deflect attention off her imposter account she used to garner personal and private information from someone and put the attention on me to intimidate and gaslight me.

Throwing away someone that quickly and making this new video she has is indicative of someone who is completely unreasonable and lacks empathy. I am stunned but there's a part of me that knows something about you Jedi that I've known for a long time but overlooked it. It was that 5% of things that people you care about sometimes do that drives you crazy. Here it is: You'll do anything for a man's acceptance and anything to bolster your issue with Keytoothed and it seems it was all too easy to throw me under the bus because alowlyapprentice is giving you something you currently need.

This is displayed in your comments to people all over the place. If we don't precisely say and do what you think we should regarding this guy keytoothed or madshangi then you come down extremely hard on us. This is a pattern I was willing to overlook based on our friendship but it seems that this other man, alowly, is someone you'll give up all your friends for as seen in this comment:

@onlockinggeisha If this was petty it would not be posted, that guy that called me a sick slut and accused me of child abuse and put up a hundred channels and follows me to comment sections and posts my name and opened up an encyclopedia dramatica page about me accusing me of crimes and naming my real name putting me in danger, and who is an MRA who writes rap songs about killing feminists. Well Diana Boston has sided with him and attacked me and I did NOTHING to her. NOTHING. This is not petty

rememberthediamonds
3 hours ago @alowlyapprentice Here comes my first snarky drama comment. Shangi has accused me of being a child abuser and relentlessly harasses me SEVERELY, and she sides with him, but will make a HUGE stink that you like this video. That is the type of character we're looking at here ZERO character. Shangi wants to kill feminists. She just has NO excuse for her psycho behavior toward me and it's not forgiveable because it's WAY scary. She's just scary. Watch her try to make an issue that YOU like this



Where is this evidence that I support Shanghi? Show it. Let's see this evidence. You don't have to justify dropping and ip. You did do it.

I didn't remove ANY comments that I can recall and so what if I did? Is that grounds for this video of hate and spewing? No. It isn't.

Do you think that every comment I remove is about you?

Really aggressive? Show me where I said I was going to 'go after you?' What's aggressive is your recent video.

I never went OUT of the way to punch you in the face. LordClyde referred me to those videos,

See Jedi, you're on this trip to hate me and you're being dishonest and it's really all about you.

You say I will not find anything? Well I just posted the PM's. So do an interesting video but please, back it up.

Remember, your video slamming me is really about your insecurity about Shangi and this keytoothed stuff.

This is amicable truthful parting. The truth is out there and I won't be slandered like that.

4 comments:

Lechuza said...

Not all of your friends want to hurt you. Remember that. *hugs*

Diana Boston said...

I know luv. I know. Like I said in my latest post: You find out really quickly who your friends are in situations like these. I'm ok with it. I just need to write about it and release it. I have nothing to hide. At least tonight I didn't come home from work and get a nasty email, totally unprovoked, in my inbox accusing me of being a bully and untrustworthy. This is a good thing. I hope you're not getting any more nasty comments on your blog.

whaquofeng said...

Well..with friends like that: who needs enemies huh ?
Lovely, those people who suck up to you, and then stabb you in the back because 'someone else' tells them to.
No backbone.
But like Lechuza said: not everyone is out to hurt you, or disagrees with the things you bring forward.

Love. ♥

Lechuza said...

I just re-read this entire thing and I am shaking my head almost violently. sweetie.. those people have no impact on your life, nothing good or bad. Just ignore them and continue on being the GREAT person you are. I sadly have seen way to much of this kind of behavior, it's appalling to me that WOMEN would treat another WOMAN in this fashion. With all the Domestic violence in the world one would think that they would step back and STOP for a moment and wonder if there is some sort of pattern here. How can we as WOMEN put an end to violence against our SISTERS when they themselves are behaving as BATTERERS!
Commonly people do not understand that there is more than physical abuse to WOMEN.. This Violence also includes verbal abuse, which I am real fucking tired of reading from other women. I put my life on the line to STOP this type of shit to only have it thrown back in my face through the abuse of you of all people.. my girlfriend.
I feel seriously low right now, as a Feminist, a Woman.... and a Domestic Violence Advocate.

Post a Comment