The Truth Hurts And Makes Sense

I Am Not Your Whipping Post Jedi/Rememberthediamonds

I have no desire to have any further dealings with Jedimasterbooboo as she's proven to me she's not honest nor trustworthy. Here is a message I sent to her asking her why she was 'converting' people to not mirror my video. It hurt me that she would purposely try to make this a crusade.

Message sent to Jedi: Aug 15th

I'm really hurt that you're trying to get people to take down my video. You're the last person who I thought would ever do that to me especially after all the care and attention I gave to you when you were hurting. Now I'm hurting.

The best thing to do right now so I don't end up walking away forever, is to just give me time.

I feel like you're gaslighting me and it's not nice and I feel completely alienated by my friends. I don't feel understood by you and that's my greatest pain in life. Not being understood.

I did not doc drop her. Anyone who wants to find her is going to find her through their own methods of simply typing in her username on google. In other words, they don't need me to do it.

I can't believe you think a CITY is doc dropping. A city she readily gives out everywhere.

I like licking my wounds in private when I am this hurt. That's one thing about me that not many people know.

I have a backbone. I AM principled. I AM a good person. However, that's not being seen I think and instead everyone's looking at me like I'm the crazy person here. Well, I'm not.

I'm hurt, I don't know who to go to anymore since everyone seems to be IN on i

t.

Then I received this message from Jedi after I came home from work.

Stop bullying me. Don't do this to me.
I have done nothing to engage you in your behaviors, and only supported you.

In fact for now I want you to stay away from me. You have demonstrated some character here that scares me I don't trust you.

If you would like me to remove the comments I just left you, I will.

That hurt me very very much that my good friend, who I've stuck up for, taken a strike on my account for for trying to appeal to shangi and friends to take down the videos that were making Theresa feel suicidal would call me a bully.

So I responded back:

what? You think I bullied you? Where is this coming from? I'm not trying to bully you at all. See, this is exactly what they want. To pit us all against each other. Don't fall for it. We disagree on things. I was hurt. I'm not bullying you.

D

Then I received this message from Jedi:

Your message makes me happy, I left you two comments that I should remove.

Listen, they want that but you are the one that is worrying me.

I hope you understand.


I responded back to Jedi:

My message is one of hurt. not lashing out at you. I'm just hurt. I just watched a video on bullying, well a few of them, and I cried my eyes out.

I.cried.my.eyes.out.

For the last few days I've been trying to understand how a grown woman like Divinity and all her pals can bully. I've been bullied before and I was feeling the same feelings. NOT from Jedi, but from Divinity and her friends. It was also at this time that Jedi left a couple public comments on her video about doc dropping that were directed at me and were not nice. She offered to take them down. I didn't respond but she took them down anyway.

I sent another message to Jedi, trying to explain myself and why her comment telling me I was bullying her hurt me and that I understood. Here is the final message I sent to her:

Jedi,

Listen, I know you've been through hell and back and then some. What I'm actually saying is that I also feel this hell right now and it's no good to stratify each other over it because that's exactly what they want, I will gladly back off if this is going to cause this much friction because the LAST thing I want is to lose my friends. I disagree with your assessment. It's not the end of our friendship because I do.

I am being, just like you, comment stalked, continually harassed by these people. I am still not being left alone. So I understand the why. I understand why you're passionate about what you think is doc dropping. However, that passion is not something we should throw our entire friendship away on.

I'm a feminist and my opinions on here have gotten me attacked for YEARS. I just don't see why my friends would want me to be hurt. I don't want my friends to be hurt and that should be very very apparent, that I'd do anything for my friends. Would you rather I lie and say I'm not hurt? Why would I need to lie to my friends? Why can't I be open and say that I see this manipulation for what it is. Is that such a bad thing to see this?

I think people need to just step back from this or else it's just going to get worse. To me it's over. The truth is out there and that's that. I'm just putting it to fall where it may.

Why am I worrying you? Because I'm hurt? A hurt person worries you? I hardly ever let my weakness show and I'm telling you how hurt I am about these people and their nonstop gaslighting of me, bullying of me and pushing me constantly. Is it hard to understand what I feel? All I ask is for you to put yourself in that feeling of being hurt and then you'll know how I feel.

K, I'm gonna go now because I don't wanna be hurt any more. I expect THEM to hurt me, not my friends. I'm shocked that you would think that. I truly am.

I don't want you to email me if it's gonna be hurtful because it's something that I can't handle right now. This emotional roller coaster is not helping me and I want off. I just want off. This is so apparent what is going on here. I can't believe I'm the only one who sees this.

So what do I have to say in order not to be hurt by my friends? What is the magic word? Crying. Crying crying.

Please, don't hurt me any more. I don't deserve it.

I don't want any more hurtful stuff coming my way. I have enough of that to deal with constantly whether its my feminism or my appearance or whatever.

And I got this message from Jedi in return:

You accusing me of hurting you is serious, and I consider it bullying, because it has no basis in reality. It's got to be a tactic, because I have done nothing but support you, and you ignore all of that and come after me again and again.

You need to stop hurting me, or Quote ME where I hurt you.

Thanks.

Take care.

So if you're hurt by your friend it's now bullying? If you're honest and remain completely tactful and sincere you are a bully? This hurt me even more. I knew that no matter what I said or how I said it, she was just going to keep sending me this hurtful stuff.

It's all circular. The part that hurt me where she asks for evidence is the part where she accused me of bullying her. But as I said, I was too exhausted and I didn't want any more of these kinds of nasty messages coming at me from her so I blocked her figuring she'd cool down. I was in tears and I just could NOT bear another message so hurtful as to say I was bullying her. I felt that was so strong an accusation, especially considering what was really happening here.

Three days later I got a message from a friend who directed me to Shangi's videos he uploaded through Lord Vion's channel. I watched them and found out that Jedi had posted someone's ip address. I left a comment on that video saying that an ip is like giving out a home address and nothing like knowing simply a city in which someone lived. I was shocked that Jedi took that kind of stance with me and yet put out an ip. That REALLY bothered me. It seemed hypocritical to say I was a bully over telling her I was hurt that she seemed to be co-ordinating others to drop their mirror support for me.

So there it is. She threatened me in her latest video to drop personal messages and actually DARED me to give her some reason to do it. Well, now I posted them.

People can judge for themselves whether they think I was bullying my friend or whether she blew it out of proportion because of her OWN experience with doc dropping and harassment. I must also say that I'm not going to play harassment olympics with her but I will say that I DO know what this is like and like she explained in her video, she thinks she had a right to post an ip to get someone to leave her alone.

Well I didn't drop a city name intentionally first of all, and second of all if Divinity really felt threatened by that she would've flagged my video immediately. Instead she continued to play people and make baseless accusations to deflect attention off her imposter account she used to garner personal and private information from someone and put the attention on me to intimidate and gaslight me.

Throwing away someone that quickly and making this new video she has is indicative of someone who is completely unreasonable and lacks empathy. I am stunned but there's a part of me that knows something about you Jedi that I've known for a long time but overlooked it. It was that 5% of things that people you care about sometimes do that drives you crazy. Here it is: You'll do anything for a man's acceptance and anything to bolster your issue with Keytoothed and it seems it was all too easy to throw me under the bus because alowlyapprentice is giving you something you currently need.

This is displayed in your comments to people all over the place. If we don't precisely say and do what you think we should regarding this guy keytoothed or madshangi then you come down extremely hard on us. This is a pattern I was willing to overlook based on our friendship but it seems that this other man, alowly, is someone you'll give up all your friends for as seen in this comment:

rememberthediamonds
2 hours ago

@onlockinggeisha If this was petty it would not be posted, that guy that called me a sick slut and accused me of child abuse and put up a hundred channels and follows me to comment sections and posts my name and opened up an encyclopedia dramatica page about me accusing me of crimes and naming my real name putting me in danger, and who is an MRA who writes rap songs about killing feminists. Well Diana Boston has sided with him and attacked me and I did NOTHING to her. NOTHING. This is not petty

rememberthediamonds
3 hours ago @alowlyapprentice Here comes my first snarky drama comment. Shangi has accused me of being a child abuser and relentlessly harasses me SEVERELY, and she sides with him, but will make a HUGE stink that you like this video. That is the type of character we're looking at here ZERO character. Shangi wants to kill feminists. She just has NO excuse for her psycho behavior toward me and it's not forgiveable because it's WAY scary. She's just scary. Watch her try to make an issue that YOU like this

Where is this evidence that I support Shanghi? Show it. Let's see this evidence. You don't have to justify dropping and ip. You did do it.

I didn't remove ANY comments that I can recall and so what if I did? Is that grounds for this video of hate and spewing? No. It isn't.

Do you think that every comment I remove is about you?

Really aggressive? Show me where I said I was going to 'go after you?' What's aggressive is your recent video.

I never went OUT of the way to punch you in the face. LordClyde referred me to those videos,

See Jedi, you're on this trip to hate me and you're being dishonest and it's really all about you.

You say I will not find anything? Well I just posted the PM's. So do an interesting video but please, back it up.

Remember, your video slamming me is really about your insecurity about Shangi and this keytoothed stuff.

This is amicable truthful parting. The truth is out there and I won't be slandered like that.

Former Porn Actress Neesa Talks about CALOSHA, STD's and how porn isn't fun

URL: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=02aOLpIXiDw&playnext=1&v...

Ok pro-pornography camp. Are you going to tear this woman down like you're torn me down as a former prostitute? Hey SocialistReign aka ReignbowBite! Are you going to call her a 'butt hurt ex-porn star' and tell us all she's lying?



Ok, so most of you don't know the people I'm talking about so I'm going to break it down. Neesa is an ex-porn actress for Max Hardcore, who raped her and got slapped with violations of obscenity laws (nope, they couldn't get him for rape) and landed his sick ass in jail. SocialistReign aka Reignbowbite is a YouTube user who lacks any capacity to use the matter that's between her ears. She takes a hardline pro-porn stance. She tells people that sex workers and/or porn performers who leave the business and expose the reality of the horrors of that industry are just 'butt hurt'. It's funny how this woman has had no personal experience being a sex worker and yet passes judgment on former workers and does what's called 'slut shaming.'



Reignbow is part of the YouTube Pro-Industry camp. To get a feel for their tactics when feminists discuss pornography and prostitution please see this blog post from my blog 'Feminist Outlaws'. http://tinyurl.com/2uqwwwo



Summing up, Neesa has come forward in this particular video to tell us about the rampant std's in the porn industry, the lack of a clean working environment and her involvement with Shelley Lubben's Pink Cross Foundation. http://www.thepinkcross.org/

Porn Harms.

See this Amp at http://amplify.com/u/85ht

Sex Work and Crab Fishing Are The Same Says Pro-Sex Industry Guy: LULZ

Hilarious, yes, but some sex positive, pro-sex industry dude actually compared sex work and crab fishing. So let's entertain him shall we? Leave a comment and either compare or contrast Sex Work ie) prostitution, porn performing, stripping etc. to Crab Fishing. Try to do it without laughing yourself senseless.

Here's my entry:

Crab Fisherpeople have what's called life insurance and property insurance so if they are injured or die their families get hundreds of thousands of dollars.

First Installment of SERIES: We Don't Need Feminism Anymore? (WDNFA)

 WDNFA?
Gibson's Misogyny Drowned Out by Mass Media

It's funny how people assign primacy to things.

On YouTube, this particular 2 minute phonecall from Mel Gibson to Oksana Gregorieva is consistently titled with the words: racist, racism, but no sexism?  No misogyny?

There's even a video trying to appease the masses by reminding all of us that the reason Mel gets angry (battering not mentioned, abuse not mentioned) is because he is spiritually hurting. Cry me a fucking river.

Better yet, why don't we look at other women in Mel's life who've had a similar experience of him. Violet Kowal, one of Mel's ex-girlfriends, told the Australian press that he was violent and abusive. The funny thing is that the article was keen on focusing on Gibson's racist language. Kowal also explained that Gibson would scream racist obscenities at her. She said she got very close to calling the police. Well, we know why so many women don't call the police but that's another blog post. The point is, this guy has a fucking track record of violence against women but again, the racist angle is getting much more media attention.

It seems trying to find Mel's misogyny in today's media is like wearing red tinted glasses to look at red text. Why isn't his misogyny given primacy?

I propose that the reason has to do with *ho hum* the invisibility of male privilege. It's a bigger crime to be a racist than it is to be a misogynist because well, hey, it's just hatred of women right? No big deal eh? Especially since women lurve being called bitches and getting breast implants.

What. The. Fuck.

In the phonecalls that were recorded and published there was one racist comment. One. Let's not forget that the comment was a rape threat. Am I the only one who heard that comment as more of a misogynistic comment and less about race? Prior to that comment he was belittling her for her appearance and how she dresses. He was calling her a slut.



Whatever you think about racism you should also think about sexism. Neither one should be given primacy over the other. Again, it's up to the feminists to point this out and refuse to be silent about it. Be prepared though; there's an entire media mouth that will shout you down.

hint: We still need feminism

Menareangrynow Needs Facts On Haiti Earthquake

This video is a perfect example of wearing blinders so that MRA's can continue ringing the 'misandry' bell.

Reuters reported fairly early on that men were forcefully taking food from women in the food lines.



So SOME food distribution agencies, started having women-only sites. The fact is that women in Haiti are the primary caregivers of the family. They are responsible for feeding the family. So it's LOGICAL to give them a better chance of getting the food aid.

However, this MRA wants to paint these women as greedy bitches who STOLE from men. Do we see the complete lack of perspective here? MRA's go on and on about traditional roles for families and in Haiti, those roles exists and are pretty rigid.

Hell, I've BEEN to Haiti and the women are responsible for gathering food and cooking it for the family! What I observed was women with 50 pounds of foods in baskets on their heads. Not much has changed.

Menareangrynow seems to think that if some agencies give the food to women only that men are screaming in the street starving. This is the problem that feminist Michael Kimmel call the 'Zero Sum Game' that men seem to play when women are given help in ANYTHING.

The 'Zero Sum' attitude is this: If women are getting ahead in X then men are falling behind in X. Kimmel shows how illogical that is.

Applying this to the Haitian women having some food distribution sites exclusively for them means that it's probably MORE likely that MORE people will get fed since this is the role Haitian women play in their society.

It appears MRA's need to stop using the 'Zero Sum' game and closely examining the contextual information instead of using the shortcut diatribe: misandry.

Amaretto Diaries May 12, 2010

Don't wanna be an alcoholic. Gotta exercise self-control.

Two Videos: One on Pornography and One for Deryk and Jedimasterbooboo

I haven't said much at all about my thoughts on Pornography and the Industry of Pornography. There's one particular place that informed me on what I already knew, but in better terms. This website is called Stop Porn Culture. This is the 45 minute video that I watched, that made things much clearer for me.

*** IT CAN BE TRIGGERING TO WATCH ***

Some of my biggest questions after watching that film are:

• What can be done to stop the exploitation of women as merely objects to be fucked?
• Where is the line between erotica and pornography? Is it mutuality, agency and intimacy?
• What responsibility does the pornography industry have with regard to young boys accessing it on the internet and elsewhere?
• Why do many men get angry when confronted with anti-pornography positions?
• Is it because they see the issue as an 'inferior' feminist issue?
• Or is it truly a human rights issue? Is there even a difference?

THE SCENE FROM THE L WORD:

The next video is to support and show affection for two of my friends: Deryk aka SardonicSkeptic and Theresa aka Jedimasterbooboo and TheLazyEvangelist.

Deryk: You've supported me throughout all the false flagging and you're one of the only people I email privately outside YouTube. Thank you so much for being there for me.

Theresa: We've been friends and sisters for a while now. I support you and am there for you to talk with if you ever need to.

I get by with a little help from my friends...



If you want to get active about the Congo:
WomenforWomenInternational
Enough Project
Raise Hope For Congo

Amaretto Diaries: The New BB, Google Contacts Me, Cosmetic Snippet

Here's the place to come and be amongst friends and schtuff. It is a feminist board but all are welcome to come by and chat about schtuff.

Ciao for now!

GOOD NEWS!

The ULTIMATE Feminist Hangout on the web is now OPEN and RUNNING.

I created the site so come on over and everyone is welcome.

I don't think you can false flags that schtuff but never say never!

LINK TO FEMINIST OUTLAWS Bulletin Board Hangout.



ENJOY!

Amaretto Diaries: Feminist Emergencies and Those I Once Admired

Being a feminist is something I have learned over the last 25 or so years. It's a noun, a verb, an adjective.

Feminism is for life. It's not something you can just wash off, like a removable tattoo. Once you start down that rabbit hole, and you're committed to understanding, that's it.

I've admired so many people in my life that have turned out to be shit upon closer examination, and although I wish no ill will towards any feminist that's ever been in my circle on the tubez, I will say that I'm having one of those 'wakeup' moments in my feminist life.

I'm realizing that our once unified front can be, and was, decimated by more than Binh and Ross. More than summersonset and her persistent flagging on YouTube, on BlipTV and on TinyPic. And more than one feminist has, whether knowingly or not, drawn a line in the once perfect beach sand.

You'll usually get two responses from me about a single event. The first one is my emotional gut reaction. The second is my deeper emotional and cognitive process. Neither should be given preference over the other, since they are both equally valid.

As each day passes, I can see the pixels tightening, showing me the crystal clear image I've secretly known was there all along.

Pixie,
First, your group started out by exclusion; a conscious effort to avoid any and all feminists who weren't in line with your 'standards'. Today, I saw it become what any box would become: a jail. You've confined the space so much that you lash out at feminists who you consider not befitting your boxes. I wish you no ill will but I must say my mind since I cannot be a vocal feminist on your space, nor can Nuke, or Jedi, nor Antique, nor many others who you've excluded, without getting verbally rude warnings that I am 'not welcome to expose people who are most assuredly anti-feminist.'

I'm on my way now, working to build an INCLUSIVE space.

It's up to each individual feminist to decide where they will go. I've made my decision though and whether you chose to follow me or not is up to you.

It was once a beautiful feminist landscape, and now it's a prison, with a rule book and a long stick to hit those who are 'too this' or 'too that.'

Feminism is about freedom and choice and not confining spaces and boxes.

I choose no boxes, to fill in no lines and to radically change. Not just to change myself but to make a space where all can be free to grow, organically.

Resurrection: Diana Boston Lives On

Do you think I should be risen from the dead? Sorry for the horrible metaphor but come on, I mean, really. Watch the video and if you agree then email these folks.

Iranian Feminist who is a Judge and won the Nobel: Shirin Ebadi's Autobiography.

Dedgurlsingblu's Blog

SardonicSkeptic's Return video. Particularly notice the commentary by Elmo. I love watching people backpedal.

The Circle: Best Expressed with Images and Words

A Calm Circle: The One That's Needed The Most

There is a slide show video I'll be posting in the next half hour. Stay tuned.

Are You a Hero?

Many men on YouTube dismiss women who tell their stories of abuse by a man. The common excuse used is that the man 'must've been a sociopath.'

Considering how rare true sociopathy is, this dismissal is rather weak.

These men who abuse are everywhere. The look normal, act normal and have normal jobs.

As a woman and a feminist on YouTube, I find many other women like myself sifting through comment after comment by males who use this dismissive tactic.

• In the United States, a woman is beaten every 7.4 seconds. Approximately 3-4 million women are beaten by male partners annually.
• The Commonwealth Fund survey reported that 1.9 million women reported having been raped, and 7.6 million reported having been mugged, robbed, or assaulted in the previous 5 years.
• From 1983 to 1991, the number of domestic violence reports received increased by almost 117% (NYS Division of Criminal Justice Services, 1983 and 1991).
• Of every 1,000 pregnant women, 154 are assaulted by their partner during the first four months of pregnancy.
• During the 5th through the 9th month, 170 out of 1,000 pregnant women are assaulted.

500, The Magickal Number. I Answer Some of Your Questions

Yes, I know I look geeky in this video. This is another side of me. I'm a gem! LOL

If you feel your question wasn't really answered then ask a more specific question related to the ones you've asked.

I really enjoyed doing this and I wish more of you to participate. Hell people, this is your chance to get to know me a bit better, or do you like me to remain an enigma? *giggle*

This is 'Diana the nerd'.

Silenced Woman Talking

I'm not in the Milky Way Feminist Galaxy any more. I'm somewhere out 'there'. There's got to be a place where feminists can make videos without stupid male and sometimes female trolling commentary.

I'm away from all the feminists I love and it hurts.

Women talking about women.


Gee, what a concept.

An Open Vletter to Anti-Feminists: Finally Off My Chest

This video is a long time coming. I'm breathing a sigh of relief that I don't have to worry about getting flagged anymore and saying what I need to say.

I am not trying to bring more drama. I'm just stating what I need to in this open vletter in order to clear my space or clean my closet.

It hurt me very much that I was put in the middle, to be manipulated to hurt Terri, one of my favourite people on YouTube. She may not consider me to be close to her, but I consider her to be my loving friend and teacher.

I've learned so much from her. I've even been refreshed on the LTV!

Regarding Antiquelens, I know she looks up to me as someone she can go to. I hope you see this Ash, and I hope that you can find it in yourself to get to know me more. Again, I feel the same way about you that I do about Terri. I feel you are a loving friend.

Jedi, I think you have a crush on me! LOL! I also hope that we get to know each other better as well. All three of you are considered close to me.

I am a very very difficult when it comes to allowing people in. I've been hurt in so many ways in my short time on this planet. However, I would like to have that kind of close friendship with all of you. To me there's no doubts in my loyalty and while it's true that I feel a bit hurt that you didn't mirror my latest vid on my latest suspension, and none of you mentioned the hate group directed at me, I hope that you can see why that would hurt me.

I fight for you without you having to ask. Whenever there's a problem I get a video in my inbox and I go from there to be there for all of you. Maybe you will see now how I feel about all of you. Maybe you'll understand me better in how I view you and the next time I'm hurt, you won't think 'ah, she's too tough. She won't be affected by it.' Maybe that's the way you see me. I'm tough but I'm human too, and I do get hurt.

Let's try to get to know each other more because if there were any people on YouTube that I would like that with, it would be all of you.

This Vletter is part of my closure. I hope it's the last video I will ever have to make on this subject.

My Feminism: Always Learning

This is just a quick glimpse into me and my feminism. Enjoy!